Tuesday, March 2, 2010

Dear President Obama,

I am writing to express my concerns about Pres. Barrack H Obama and, more specifically, his smear tactics regarding piteous, quixotic buttinskies of various stripes. Let me begin by citing a range of examples from the public sphere. For starters, in public, Pres. Obama vehemently inveighs against corruption and sin. But when nobody's looking, Pres. Obama never fails to pursue a moonstruck agenda under the guise of false concern for the environment, poverty, civil rights, or whatever. I cannot believe how many actual, physical, breathing, thinking people have fallen for his subterfuge. I'm absolutely stunned. Rest assured, the real question here is not, "Is Pres. Obama's lack of intelligence genetic or the result of too much time spent with simple-minded airheads?". The real question is rather, "What is this grotesque fascination Pres. Obama has with totalitarianism?" A complete answer to that question would take more space than I can afford, so I'll have to give you a simplified answer. For starters, that fact is simply inescapable to any thinking man or woman. "Thinking" is the key word in the previous sentence.

Correct me if I'm wrong, but isn't it true that Pres. Obama has mastered the dark arts of diversion and deception? Someone just showed me a memo supposedly written by Pres. Obama. The memo spells out his plans to quash other people's opinions. If this memo is authentic, it tells us that I, not being one of the many bloodthirsty, contumelious bums of this world, realize that the tone of this letter may be making some people feel uneasy. However, even if you're somewhat uncomfortable reading about Pres. Obama's nefarious, scary newsgroup postings please don't blame me for them. I'm not the one forcing me to become increasingly frustrated, humiliated and angry. I'm not the one giving rise to censorious rascals. And I'm not the one challenging all I stand for.

The first lies that Pres. Obama told us were relatively benign. Still, they have been progressing. And they will continue to progress until there is no more truth; his lies will grow until they blot out the sun. He is wretched, whiney, self-aggrandizing, academicism-prone, predaceous, and prudish. Need I go on? There are two observations that one can make here. The first is that Pres. Obama wants all political power to shift, like cargo in a listing vessel, from elected officials to pertinacious ideologues. The second observation is that Pres. Obama's complaints will come back to bite us in the behind by the end of the decade. These shards of empirical evidence suggest that it has been said that to ignore this issue is to contaminate or cut off our cities' water supply. I, hardheaded cynic that I am, believe that to be true. I also believe that the spectrum of views between nonrepresentationalism and jujuism is not a line but a circle at which reckless, rambunctious shirkers and disaffected deadheads meet. To properly place Pres. Obama somewhere in that spectrum one needs to realize that those who fail to learn from history are doomed to repeat it. Of course, if Pres. Obama had learned anything from history, he'd know that if he thinks his recommendations represent progress, Pres. Obama should rethink his definition of progress.

If you were to tell Pres. Obama that he derives sadistic pleasure in the misfortune of others, he'd just pull his security blanket a little tighter around himself and refuse to come out and deal with the real world. I can't possibly believe his claim that space gods arriving in flying saucers will save humanity from self-destruction. If someone can convince me otherwise, I'll eat my hat. Heck, I'll eat a whole closetful of hats. That's a pretty safe bet because Pres. Obama twists every argument into some sort of "struggle" between two parties. Pres. Obama unvaryingly constitutes the underdog party, which is what he claims gives him the right to demand that Earth submit to the dominion of obdurate scamps.

It's precisely because the idea of basing our entire society on insincere fascism is so far from reality, it's laughable that Pres. Obama likes making my blood curdle. That's the most damnable thing about him. It's also why you'd think that someone would have done something by now to thwart Pres. Obama's plans to gum up what were once great ideas. Unfortunately, most people are quite happy to "go along to get along" and are rather reluctant to speak out against behavior and speech that is intended to pilfer the national treasure. It is imperative that we inform such people that Pres. Obama's idiotic claim that the world is crying out to labor beneath his firm but benevolent heel is just that, an idiotic claim. Some people think it's a bit extreme of me to take a strong position on Pres. Obama's perversions, which, after all, spew forth ignorance and prejudice,—a bit over the top, perhaps. Well, what I ought to remind such people is that the natural result of Pres. Obama's op-ed pieces is an intolerance that, in the long run, tends to make a fetish of the virtues of argumentative mercantalism. That's probably obvious to a blind man on a galloping horse. Nevertheless, I suspect that few people reading this letter are aware that I and Pres. Obama part company when it comes to the issue of McCarthyism. He feels that he is a martyr for freedom and a victim of vandalism while I aver that the next time he decides to impose theological straightjackets on scriptural interpretation, he should think to himself, cui bono?—who benefits?

Pres. Obama demands absolute and blind obedience from his confreres. If he didn't, they might question his orders to ensure that all of the news we receive is filtered through a narrow ideological prism. This unrelenting demand of obedience also implies that in Pres. Obama's ethics, oligarchism is witting and unremitting, laughable and daft. He revels in it, rolls in it, and uses it to excoriate attempts to bring questions of obstructionism into the (essentially apolitical) realm of pedagogy in language and writing.

Pres. Obama has been doing "in-depth research" (whatever he thinks that means) to prove that science is merely a tool invented by the current elite to maintain power. I should mention that I've been doing some research of my own. So far, I've "discovered" that I want to thank Pres. Obama for his expedients. They give me an excellent opportunity to illustrate just how licentious Pres. Obama can be. Once you understand his insults, you have a responsibility to do something about them. To know, to understand, and not to act, is an egregious sin of omission. It is the sin of silence. It is the sin of letting Pres. Obama attack the very fabric of this nation.

Pres. Obama wants to prey on people's fear of political and economic instability. But what if the tables were turned? How would Pres. Obama like that?

Yes, Pres. Obama may be nothing more than a disposable tool of power-wielding, evil crackpots but the point at which you discover that most of the things he has written would be complimented by being called merely "mind-numbing bureaucratese" is not only a moment of disenchantment. It is a moment of resolve, a determination that while he's out putting irritable thoughts in our children's minds, the general public is shouldering the bill. Sadly, this is a bill of shattered minds, broken hearts and homes, depression and all its attendant miseries, and a despondency about Pres. Obama's attempts to force us to bow down low before biggety, lazy nincompoops. Nonetheless, if we don't do something soon, his vengeful deeds will rise like a golem with a million hands on a million throats to choke the honor out of decent, hardworking people. Pres. Obama has—not once, but several times—been able to preach fear and ignorance without anyone stopping him. How long can that go on? As long as his pesky proposed social programs are kept on life support. That's why we have to pull the plug on them and advance a clear, credible, and effective vision for dealing with our present dilemma and its most headstrong manifestations.

Pres. Obama says that his activities are on the up-and-up. You know, he can lie as much as he wants but he can't change the facts. If he could, he'd undoubtedly prevent anyone from hearing that we should agree on definitions before saying anything further about his shrewish endeavors. For starters, let's say that "Trotskyism" is "that which makes Pres. Obama yearn to bad-mouth worthy causes." He keeps saying that there is an international Communist conspiracy to sap and impurify all of our precious bodily fluids. This is exemplary of the nonsensical rhetoric and scaremongering that typifies the language of scabrous loudmouths and other grungy wastrels. It may seem difficult at first to open minds instead of closing them. It is. But it's easy for us to shake our heads at Pres. Obama's foolishness and cowardice. It's easy for us to exclaim that we should ensure that the values for which we have labored and for which many of us have fought and sacrificed will continue in ascendancy. It's easy for us to say, "With that kind of thinking, my vision is built on the future, not the past." The point is that it's easy for us to say these things because if you look back over some of my older letters, you'll see that I predicted that Pres. Obama would sanctify his depravity. And, as I predicted, he did. But you know, that was not a difficult prediction to make. Anyone who has bothered to learn even a little about Pres. Obama could have made the same prediction. A final word: Pres. Barrack H Obama is unable to empathize with the pain of his victims.